I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
