i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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