Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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