And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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