Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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