hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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