I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Everclear isn't food dammit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
