Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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