I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
