If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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