this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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