I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think your dad took our porno
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
