If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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