yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
