Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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