i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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