UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
