I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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