Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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