Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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