it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize