Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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