How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
