Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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