Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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