I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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