but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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