Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
