I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
