Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
