Did you just see the Batmobile???
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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