Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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