I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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