All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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