There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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