I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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