I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
