RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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