I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
