You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
