peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Farmville is her only friend.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
