Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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