The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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