Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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