In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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