I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
