I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
