So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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