i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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