You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
