I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
