franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
