My hand turned me down
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My feet surprised me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
