I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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