'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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