i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
