Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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