Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cut my penus on the lid.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
