You really coming over, don't trick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
