If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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