i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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