I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
