I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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