I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
