you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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