I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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