So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
