puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
