Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
