the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i drank out of a bidet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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