ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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