some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My breasts were aching with rage.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
