Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
