if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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