just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize