This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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