i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
