it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just high enough for therapy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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