thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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